How often do you experience this:
You say or do something that you used to do differently and you go "ugh, why didn't I do this this way BEFORE?"
This might be something reasonably simple and unemotional, like the way you peel a mango (if you don't know what I'm talking about, here is my Sunday life-hack for you) but it might ALSO be something more personally meaningful and sensitive to you- like allowing yourself to be treated a certain way.
Something I’m practicing this week is forgiving myself for not knowing then what I know now.
Oftentimes, we can be our own biggest critic. We do the very best we can to respond to situations with the information we have available at the time, but then we can shame ourselves down the road when we "know better".
Speaking from personal experience, I used to do this ALL the time (and I'm happy to say I'm gradually getting better, but man is it hard). When we shame ourselves for "not knowing better", we are doing the opposite of practicing self-love.
Here's a tool for practicing self-forgiveness:
When you learn how to do something differently and want to say to yourself "I should have known better before", can you imagine your past self as a child. You wouldn't expect a 6 year old to know better- they're just learning and figuring this out, and so were you at the time.
If you give this a try and find it helpful, please let me know, I would love to hear from you. Let’s celebrate how we've grown, what we've learned, and forgive ourselves for when we didn't know better. We could all use a little forgiveness and support right now <3
Strategies for coping with change
How do you feel about change?
Stressed, content, anxious, excited? All of the above? Change can be really tough to navigate. As humans, we are programmed to like safety. Consistent = safe.
Change (by its nature) is an inconsistency or a switch of direction in a (what seems to us) predictable pattern.
Here's the thing though...
We are ALWAYS changing, whether we notice or not. There is a theme that is dominant in mindfulness practice, and that is "impermanence"- the concept that everything is always changing around us and that is a natural part of growth.
If you were to reflect on who you are as a person and the world around you, what changes do you notice between the present moment and how things were a year ago?
It can be really scary to accept change at first, and sometimes we want to push back against it or avoid it. What would happen if we leaned into the change and embraced it as a natural part of our growth?
I'm navigating some hard personal changes myself right now. Everyone finds different things stressful, and the hardest changes for me are often the ones where I may potentially let someone down if I go through with the change (ugh recovering people pleasers unite).
Here are some tools I am using to work through my own growth, and I hope they can be helpful for you too:
I remind myself that I am not responsible for the happiness of others.
When I get caught up in the FUTURE and thoughts like "what will happen in the future if I make this change?" I remind myself that "I cannot control the future, so what is important to me in this present moment?"
When I get caught up in the PAST and thoughts like "I have done X for so long, I can't waste all that time by changing to Y" I remind myself that "Just because I have done something for such a long time, that does not mean I have to do it forever."
I remind myself that change does NOT MEAN FAILURE. When we change, sometimes it feels like we're "giving up" on something else. Can you view your past as successfully setting you up for this present change?
I remind myself that change is not linear. There is no "ahead" and there is no "behind", and I am allowed to change my mind on this path.
Practicing impermanence in fitness looks like:
Accepting how your body and mind feel in this moment, in this class.
Noticing the urge to compare this workout to previous workouts.
Offering yourself more rest and more challenge as appropriate for you.
Noticing and celebrating the growth you've made, no matter how subtle.