How often do you have this problem?

You're in a work/life slump where you don't feel motivated and everything feels hard. So you unwind and binge watch Ted Lasso for the third time (okay, maybe that last part is just me), but then... UGH, you STILL don't have motivation. Now you're panicking. What if you NEVER feel motivated? What if it's always hard?

Now you're tallying up all the things you "have to get done" or "should be doing" in your mind.

Before you know it you're in this negative feedback loop of "I don't feel motivated to do anything AND the thought of doing all the things is overwhelming" so you sit back on the couch and watch another episode of Ted Lasso... which only makes you feel even WORSE, so the slump feels even heavier, and the cycle continues.

So how do we break the cycle?

How do we get ourselves out of this slump without also feeling burned out again OR ashamed that we haven't done all of the things we need already?

Neither of those things are helpful. Burnout and shaming ourselves for not knowing better? Yeah, I'm going to pass on those two, thanks.

Breaking out of this cycle requires reminding yourself of these 3 things:

Feeling unmotivated is totally normal, no matter what's going on in your life.
Burnout happens when we do too much for too long without a (real) break.
A tiny step in a different direction can (and will) make a big impact.

And remember... trying to make a complete 180 degree flip from Netflix binging to full-on work mode when you're not actually ready to work is the quickest way to burning yourself out and feeling even worse.

Here is how to break out of the cycle if we put the above 3 things into action:

Remind yourself that your lack of motivation right now is normal and human.
Ask yourself if you actually need a break or if you're bored. Both are normal. If you actually need a break, how can you take a real one WITHOUT ruminating on your to-do list the entire time?
If you're bored and feel complacent, that's also totally normal and human. What is the smallest possible thing you can do that moves you in the direction you want to go?

Here's a real-life example of this me doing this in action:

On Monday Toronto got some snow, and I mean 40cm to be exact. I woke up, looked outside, and could feel my mood slip immediately. I decided to take it easy and try again tomorrow. Tuesday morning I woke up and much to my dismay the snow had NOT in fact disappeared overnight (very disappointing)... but this time, I not only felt unmotivated, I also felt sluggish and lethargic AND I hadn't done much work yesterday so I really needed to get work done today.

I took a few deep breaths, and then repeated this a few times: feeling unmotivated, sluggish, and lethargic in the middle of winter is totally normal.

Once those breaths kicked in and I felt like my lack of motivation wasn't totally uncalled for, I then checked in: was I feeling lethargic because I was burned out or because I needed some momentum?

Momentum was the answer. I then went to step 3: what is the SMALLEST thing I could do right now that would take me in the direction I want to go and doesn't feel like a burden?

One thing I love doing no matter what my mood is AND it also feels like work and not Netflix watching is writing social media content. That might sound weird to you, but to me it's creative writing time and feels like play! Even though this wasn't my "plan" for the day, it was work and something I felt I could do. So I drafted (but didn't publish) a post idea for instagram.

Just writing that single post got me into work flow. Suddenly I thought... well, since I'm here writing anyway, I might as well write another one. Actually, I think I can write a few emails too. Well why don't I do some other paperwork while I'm here?

And before you know it, what started as just one thing (and if you only do the one thing, that's AWESOME) turned into several other work-related things.

I called it a day at 2pm and shut it down early.

No shame.

No burnout.

Just enough work done.

Have you ever been told that you need to change something about yourself?

I mean, I feel like you probably just screamed yes because I personally don't see another available option. If it's remotely validating, I also screamed yes (with GUSTO).

Whether it's how we dress, how we look, our body, the food we eat, or our personal goals and beliefs, we are bombarded with messages that tell us we need to be something different from whatever and whoever we are.

Is personal growth important? Absolutely. But is who we are broken, flawed, or in need of fixing? Absolutely NOT.

A problem with the "keep growing as a person" messages combined with the "you're never good enough as you are" messages we receive around us is this: we are always striving but never satisfied.

As a recovering perfectionist this has been a fast-track to burnout, shame, and self-loathing for me. I am always trying to be "the best version of me", shaming past versions of myself in the process for not being better.

What if instead of "becoming someone different", we looked at change as "experiencing things differently"?

Here's what this looks like in practice:

Instead of "I need to get better at setting boundaries, why can't I just say no?" you practiced: "Setting boundaries is a new skill of mine and it's going to take time. Who can I surround myself with who will make learning this skill a good experience?"

Instead of "My body isn't good enough, I need to be stronger, I'm so weak" you practiced: "This workout isn't right for me, I feel overwhelmed. What other options are there?"

Instead of "I need to become more efficient at work. Everyone else gets so much done and I'm so lazy" you practiced: "I have no idea what anyone else's lives look like, but frankly I'm exhausted and here is one small manageable step I can take today to do the work I want."

You are enough exactly as you are. How can you experience your life differently instead of shaming and bullying yourself?

Read this if you have so much to do you're not doing any of it.

Do you shame yourself?